Wow so much has changed since our little miss Capri entered the world! She had her own agenda from the start, arriving 6 weeks early, and having to spend 2 weeks in the NICU. Its been 10 weeks since she has come home but I wanted to reminisce a little about the experience we went thru since I believe it was the biggest learning experience in my life! Here is the story....
On July 12th, I woke up with the feeling something wasn't right, feeling a lot of "pre-labor" feelings, I went to the hospital to get it checked out. Once getting there and having the nurses check me, I started to have contractions that came strong and steady! Bear and I looked at eachother and thought, is this really happening? The doctor said with her being 34 weeks and 3 days, she was right at the point where she would be ok if she came out, but they would not push her to come out! So they gave me a medication that was supposed to stop labor if it was false but wouldn't do anything if it was true labor....well 24 hours later nothing changed and they decidied they were going to take her out. Since she was breached I had to have a C-Sec. Doctor told me I had 10 minutes to get prepped for surgery. Many emotions flooded my mind as I was going to have surgery, feeling of fear, excitement to see my daughter, but the unknown if she would be ok to come out this early! Through the midst of it all, God kept reminding me that He was there with me.
After surgery she was taken away to the NICU and later found out she had stopped breathing and they had to restart er lungs. While I was still in surgery getting stichtched back up, one of the assiting doctors played over the loud speacker the song "Capri" in which I named her after...in that moment of lonlieness of not having my baby or husband with me, I felt a peace again that God was with me. I believe he sent me a reminder through that song that everything was going to be alright!
Over the next few days I tried to remain strong all the while struggling to fight tears everytime I saw her, I was so sad that I was not able to be with her and not understanding everything that was going on with her. It was so difficult for a mother to completely give her newborn over to others to take care of. I felt to inadiquit to be her mother.
On the 4th day I was struggling with so many emotions of knowing I was going to have to leave and not take Capri with me. On the other hand I was so lonely without Beckham I was excited to be with him again. My friend Kati stayed with me the last night in the hospital and we laughed and cried...she shared a song with me by Matthew West called "strong enough" and hit a cord in my heart! It is about not understanding why God allows us to go thru certian trials and feeling not strong enough to go thru them, but that we don't have too...God is our strength!In that moment I think I learned the most valuable lessons I will ever learn: That I can't do it all, I can't be super mom, I cant carry the weight of my whole family...but God can. He waits so patiently while we try and do it all by ourselves, and in that moment of us crying out to him, he carries us:) Why do we always have to learn the most valuable things thru the hardest times? I believe because that is the only time we are truly desperate for God and in a place of being humble...where God always desires us to be:)
Soooooooo....with all that said, lets fast foreword to the present day and start talking about those things. The reason for this blog is to share all the fun, hard, and humorous things of my life with these 2 kiddos:)
There are times where I think what did i get myself into?! 2 kids under the age of 2 is super hard at times, but then Beckham comes running up to me and gives me a huge hug and says "I love you momma," and I realize..ok all the craziness and stress is worth that moment!! Priceless!!
Thanks for reading and next time I will have some humorous stories to tell:)
No comments:
Post a Comment